Tomb Raider survey results

Image credits: Core-design.com and Wallusy from Pixabay. Edited.

If you’ve watched my latest YouTube video and/or read its companion blog post, you might be curious about the results of the survey about Lara Croft I conducted as part of my excruciatingly long research into Lara’s real measurements, their realism (or lack thereof), and the perception that Tomb Raider fans have of her appearance.

You might even be one of the respondents, and maybe you had forgotten all about it because it’s been months since I shared my survey with the fanbase, but now that the video and the huge blogorrhea that accompanied it are out, it’s time for the survey to follow suit. Be warned: this is a long post.

Demographics

I had a total of 208 respondents. That’s frankly a lot more than I was expecting, but the Tomb Raider fanbase is far larger than that; /r/TombRaider alone counts over 45,000 subscribers, so my sample is hardly representative. Still, ya gotta work with what ya got.

Sorry if some of the charts are a bit messy; I wanted to embed the interactive charts straight from Google Sheets, but it turns out that’s harder than figuring out bra sizes, so I had to be content with regular pictures and some of them get messy with all those percentages.

Sex and orientation

The vast majority of the respondents were male. I really wanted more female respondents than what I got, but I couldn’t run the survey forever. Respondents in the intersex and other/doesn’t say groups were too few to draw any conclusions about their respective groups, so I had no choice but to exclude them from analyses that were meant to find correlations with sex. I did however consider them in all other analyses.

If you don’t aggregate groups, straight people constitute the majority of the respondents, but for a good while at the beginning, the vast majority were gay or lesbian. I don’t know about the fanbase of other games, but the Tomb Raider franchise is very diversified, and it doesn’t take a survey to notice that.

Someone on twitter asked me why I wanted to know about the sex and/or orientation of the respondents; besides pure curiosity, the reason was that I wanted to detect bias. As an extreme example, if all straight males had said Lara was not oversexualised and all straight females had said she was, well, I could probably have guessed that something funny was going on there.

However, I’m not sure I asked all the right questions. I only asked about the respondents’ biological sex and not about their gender identity. So, for example, if there was any MtF transexual person who felt female and was straight with respect to her identity (i.e., attracted to males only), she would still have answered “male, straight,” which isn’t an accurate description of the situation. I am assuming cases like that are the exception and not the norm, but regardless, my survey doesn’t capture them, and I realised this only when it was too late. Something to keep in mind for my next survey, eh?

Age

I asked about the respondents’ age mostly because I was curious to know which age groups were most into what Tomb Raider games. In all analyses that were meant to draw conclusions about age, some groups were aggregated because they were too small to be representative. So, 0-17 was aggregated to 18-24, and all groups from 45-54 onwards have been aggregated together. They haven’t been excluded from any analyses.

Series enjoyment

This section is all about who played what, and how much they liked what they played. These responses were also used to detect bias, for example to see if people who liked the Survivor trilogy the most were more likely to say that Classic/LAU Lara (henceforth CLL) was oversexualised.

Classic games (TR1-TRAOD)

Most of the respondents (71.6%) liked the classics “a lot” or “quite a bit”. Very few didn’t like them, but there is a non-negligible chunk of them that haven’t played any. Isn’t it about time you guys fixed that? 😛

Interestingly, more females than males have enjoyed the classics a lot or quite a bit, and fewer females haven’t played any. There was exactly one female respondent who didn’t like the classics at all. (We all know it’s you, Stella…)

The percentage of players who enjoyed the classics a lot or quite a bit grows visibly with age, while the percentage of those who didn’t play them at all goes down with age. This is an utterly unsurprising result, given that the most recent classic Tomb Raider game came out some 18 years ago. (And I still haven’t played it, goddammit!)

LAU trilogy (Legend, Anniversary, Underworld)

While fewer people liked LAU a lot, more liked them quite a bit; overall, 69.3% of the respondents picked either option, a value that is very comparable to the classics’ 71.6%. Very few people actively disliked LAU, and slightly fewer people didn’t play it compared to people who didn’t play the classics—which I guess is reasonable seeing as how LAU is more recent.

While slightly more males than females enjoyed LAU a lot, far more females than males enjoyed it quite a bit; overall, once again, females liked LAU either a lot or quite a bit more than males did, and quite a bit more males didn’t play it at all.

The percentage of people who liked LAU a lot or quite a bit goes down with age at first, only to jump back very high for the 45+ cohort. They’re still the majority for all age cohorts, and once more,  only few younger players disliked it.

Survivor trilogy (Tomb Raider, Rise of the Tomb Raider, Shadow of the Tomb Raider)

The Survivor trilogy was liked “a lot” by the least people; it was liked “quite a bit” by more people than liked the classics the same way, but by fewer people who liked LAU the same way. Overall, it was liked either a lot or quite a bit by 62.5% of the people, behind both the classics and LAU. (Excuse me while I gloat inappropriately.) It was also by far the most liked only “a little” or “not at all” (excuse me while I shamelessly keep gloating inappropriately), though it was played by more people than the other two—which, again, is understandable because it’s newer.

Females and males liked the Survivor games “a lot” or “quite a bit” in pretty much the same percentages; slightly more males liked them in percentage, but the difference is really small. Females are also less “undecided” (as I perhaps inappropriately call those who responded “somewhat”); they were fairly more likely than males to like the Survivor trilogy only a little or to not have played it, but they disliked it more or less the same. The sample is small, but this is only the first piece of evidence suggesting something that I wasn’t expecting to find out: overall, females seem to like older Tomb Raider games more than males, and that applies to versions of Lara as well. I was honestly expecting the opposite.

Age-wise, the Survivor games are less liked as age goes up. All in all, the percentage of people who liked them either a lot or quite a bit doesn’t go down very much with age, but the percentage of those who liked them a lot very much does, only to recover 10-something percentage points in the 45+ cohort. Unsurprisingly, fewer people in this cohort than in others have even played any Survivor games. The size of the cohorts varies quite a bit, so even though we’re talking percentages, I’d still take these results with a grain of salt.

Other Tomb Raider games (everything else!)

This chart looks a lot more fragmented, and predictably, a lot of people haven’t played Tomb Raider games that aren’t exactly part of a main timeline. I asked about these other games only for completeness’ sake; I haven’t played any myself and know little-to-nothing about them.

Females seem less interested in “secondary” Tomb Raider games, if you pass the expression. Other than that, with the exception of the “a lot” and “a little” people, the rest of the percentages are overall quite similar.

Again, the different sample sizes make a comparison difficult, but it’s nonetheless interesting that the younger players are the more likely not to have played other Tomb Raider games (which are fairly recent). I guess only the older, hardcore fans might be interested in trying anything Tomb Raider they can get their hands on? The rest of the chart feels somewhat scattered, with larger percentages of “undecided” people than before.

Lara(s)

Knowing which Lara people like the most is interesting per se, but this set of questions too was meant to help me detect bias—for example, were people who liked CLL more or less likely to say that she was oversexualised? What about people who liked Survivor Lara more? Let’s see.

Favourite Laras

Respondents could pick only one version of Lara as their favourite, and the question was all-encompassing: it asked which was their favourite Lara considering everything about her.

Well, Classic Lara wins hands down. LAU Lara almost ties with Survivor Lara, and a fair bit of people had no preference. I thought it would be interesting to see how these percentages would change if I looked at females and males separately, so I did. And I was surprised again.

Female respondents prefer Classic and LAU Lara. Survivor Lara is left quite a bit behind, and Classic Lara is again the winner. Classic Lara is also the males’ favourite, but in their case, Survivor Lara overtakes LAU Lara.

If you look at the percentages, it’s quite obvious that males like Survivor Lara more than females, while females like CLL more than males do. Again, I was expecting the opposite. Don’t get me wrong, ladies—I’m on team CLL too, but I thought the idea was that Survivor Lara was meant to be more relatable for you specifically. If that’s true, it might not have worked that well. As you can see in the chart below, Survivor Lara is the least favourite by female respondents across all age cohorts: only around 20% of each cohort prefers her. LAU Lara is very appreciated by younger females and less by older ones, whereas Classic Lara’s popularity grows with age.

The same chart for males reveals that a larger percentage of each age cohort favours Survivor Lara, even though percentages go down with age; LAU Lara’s popularity seems to overall decrease with age, while classic Lara’s popularity goes up with age.

An obvious explanation for this might be that people who grew up with Lara are likely to be more fond of her previous incarnations, and they are all in their 30s and older. At least for males, Survivor Lara is more popular with the younger ones, possibly because she’s newer and they’re likely to have met her before CLL. For females, though, Survivor Lara just isn’t all that popular, regardless of the respondents’ age.

Who is attracted to which Lara?

This was another interesting one. It was a multiple choice question, because the same person could be attracted to more than one version of Lara. This means that any percentages in the following charts may well add up to more than 100%, and that’s not a mistake.

For the longest time after I shared the survey with the world, Survivor Lara was trailing badly behind, but then she recovered quite a bit, overtaking classic Lara by some margin. However, LAU Lara is the clear winner of the attractiveness competition, and only 21 people weren’t attracted to any version of Lara. If we look at at the same chart sex-wise, guess what we’ll find?

That’s right. Albeit by a small margin, females are more likely than males to find CLL attractive, and less likely than males to find Survivor Lara attractive. It’s also interesting that a higher percentage of males than females didn’t find any Lara attractive.

I must say, however, that these results got me confused. The question was:

“Whether or not you think she was oversexualised, did you personally find Lara physically attractive? Tick the box for each version of Lara that you find attractive, if any.”

Maybe I phrased it unclearly, because what I meant was basically: “Tick the box for each version of Lara you’d gladly sleep with.” I wanted to know who was actually aroused by her, again because a) curiosity, and b) to detect bias: for example, are the people who’d sleep with Lara less likely to think she was oversexualised? Of course, the female sample was much smaller than the male sample, and god knows how many bisexuals or lesbians there might have been, so let’s look at these results a bit more in depth.

Well then. Among the females who said they found Classic Lara attractive, a whopping 50% are straight. Only 5.55% are lesbian, and while a non-negligible 33.33% are bisexual, I’d like to direct your attention to the column on the right, where it says that forty-freaking-two percent of males who said they personally found Classic Lara physically attractive are gay. Definitely, either my question was really unclear or I must have missed a memo, because last I checked, “straight” meant that you’re only attracted to the sex opposite to yours, and “gay” meant that you’re only attracted to your same sex. Anyways…

Okay, apparently straight females and straight males are attracted in equal percentage to LAU Lara, and a ton of gay males are attracted to her compared to gay females. Once again, bisexual females absolutely crush bisexual males, and even asexual females are more likely to be attracted to her than asexual males (which was even more true for classic Lara, by the way.)

Well, well, well. What do we have here? As usual, bisexual females are obliterating bisexual males, and in percentage, quite a bit more of them are attracted to Survivor Lara than any other Lara. Interestingly, far more straight males than straight females find Survivor Lara attractive, and if you look at the total numbers on top of the columns, you’ll also see that there are quite a bit more males who find Survivor Lara attractive than males who find Classic Lara attractive, while for LAU the number is nearly the same. My sample size may be small, but the big-boobs-to-attract-the-lads theory seems to be slightly faltering.

In case you’re curious, these are the people who didn’t find any Lara attractive.

We can try to look at this issue from a slightly different perspective. Which versions of Lara are attractive to each sex, when categorised by orientation? Let’s start with males.

So, the straight dudes—again, the ones supposed to be attracted to the allegedly oversexualised versions of Lara, which allegedly were oversexualised precisely to attract the straight dudes, are literally the least likely to be attracted to CLL. If it wasn’t for the impressively consistent asexual dudes, they’d be the most likely to be attracted to Survivor Lara. Gay guys are much more into CLL and much less into Survivor Lara (whatever that means), whereas bisexual dudes are almost as consistent as the asexuals. Now, what’s the situation like for the gals?

Straight ladies are really not into Survivor Lara much, unlike pretty much everyone else. I dunno, maybe CLL was “female enemy number one”, but love thy enemy, I guess? LAU Lara is very much attractive according to pretty much every female in the sample regardless of orientation, whereas lesbians don’t seem to be crazy about Classic Lara. Also note how only a small percentage of straight females (and of gay guys, too) said they weren’t attracted to any Lara. I suspect a lot of people interpreted the question as: “Which Lara do you think is generally attractive?”, but I did say “which one do you personally find physically attractive”, didn’t I?

I must confess that one of the reasons I conducted this poll was because I was specifically interested in the perception that straight people have of each version of Lara, especially the older versions. This is not to discriminate against non-straight people, but because during my research I got the strong impression that CLL was especially polarising for straight people—forbidden erotic dream for the men, unbeatable virtual “competitor” for the women. This isn’t exactly my opinion, but something I think many people think. The charts we’ve just seen seem to contradict that, at least for males (I’m still unsure what to make of the fact that straight women said they’re attracted to any Lara at all), but maybe there are other things at play; for example, age.

The chart says quite clearly that younger straight male fans are less attracted to CLL than they are to Survivor Lara, and vice-versa. A possible explanation is that people who are now in their 30s and above grew up with classic or LAU Lara, whom they probably encountered in their teens. Likewise, younger people are likely to have met Survivor Lara in their teens, and these events may well have played  a big role in defining what these people find more or less attractive. So, just like the chart says, older straight males are attracted to CLL more, and younger ones are attracted to Survivor Lara more. The same overall trend is still there if we consider which Laras are attractive to males in general, regardless of orientation.

As cohorts age, Survivor Lara goes down, Classic Lara goes up, and LAU Lara goes overall up. (Interestingly, she’s rather popular with men up to 24 years of age. That doesn’t surprise me.) Another possible explanation for these trends is that maybe what is generally considered attractive is slowly changing for whatever reason, moving from the Classic-Lara type to the Survivor-Lara type. People who were teens when Classic Lara was all the rage are now on the right side of that chart, while people who are teens right now are on the left.

If we go back for a moment to favourite Laras and we plot them against the ages of straight dudes, we see once again a similar pattern, so overall, it seems that both in terms of physical attraction and overall appreciation for the character, Survivor Lara is more popular with younger (straight) males and less with older ones, while the converse is true for CLL—especially Classic Lara, whose trend is often more clear than LAU Lara’s.

Now let’s talk about the ladies. Pretending for a moment that there’s nothing odd about the straight ones being attracted to another woman, in certain regards their preferences are opposite to those of straight males.

Younger straight females seem to think Survivor Lara is about as attractive as a sun-dried tomato, but the situation changes quickly with age. CLL is on a slight downward trend, but overall is considered always very attractive, and always at least as attractive as Survivor Lara. If we consider all females instead, the situation is rather different.

Survivor Lara still goes down by age; CLL goes overall up and is often at least as attractive as Survivor Lara, but often the difference is minimal. This is due mostly to bisexual gals who fancy her quite a bit (unlike gay gals, for some reason).

By the way, if Survivor Lara was far from being the favourite of females in general, she practically doesn’t exist for straight females, who basically don’t give a flying rat’s arse about her.

However, the chart is rather fragmented, and that’s probably because the sample is small. A much larger and more balanced sample might well turn these findings on their head.

Oversexualisation of Lara

Here we are going to see what people thought of the idea that CLL was oversexualised. First, let’s look at the demographics.

Demographics

Interestingly, nearly 50% of the respondents said no. Some were undecided, but less than 40% said she was oversexualised, a total of 80 people. Of these, 31.3% were female and 67.5% were male.

That’s not surprising, because the male part of the population was so much larger than the female part; as a matter of fact, males and females answered the question in strikingly similar percentages.

So, at least we know for sure that neither males, nor females are more biased in one way or the other on this matter. Orientation, however, does seem to play a role.

I was expecting the straight females to be harsher on Lara, but they weren’t. Bisexual females were, and I can’t help but notice how they also were those who preferred Survivor Lara more strongly.

Straight dudes were more likely than other dudes to think CLL was oversexualised, and again, as we’ve seen their sympathies lie mostly with Survivor Lara. Preference for a specific version of Lara appeared to be a strong bias in this sense, as we’ll see soon. Age, instead, doesn’t seem to be very important.

Lara bias

In this section we’re going to see whether which Lara respondents preferred or were attracted to skewed their opinion on the oversexualisation of CLL. Spoiler alert: it obviously did.

A large majority of people whose favourite Lara is Survivor Lara thinks CLL was oversexualised. The same chart for people whose favourite Lara was Classic or LAU Lara is nearly the mirror image of the chart above.

However, in percentage, more CLL fans said “yes” than Survivor Lara fans said “no”, so, if I can be a bit biased myself, I’d say that CLL fans are maybe a little bit less biased than Survivor Lara fans?

Sexual attraction was an even stronger bias. Basically 52% of people who were attracted to Survivor Lara thought CLL was oversexualised, against a mere 36% of people who were attracted to CLL.

If we look at people who were exclusively attracted to either Survivor or CLL Lara, the difference is even more stark.

At a glance, I’d said that having the hots exclusively for CLL makes you a lot more biased in her favour than having the hots for Survivor Lara only makes you biased against CLL.

Series bias

Did the respondents’ tomb-raiding preferences influence their opinion on the oversexualisation of Lara? They did.

It’s fairly clear that, the more you enjoyed the Survivor trilogy, the more likely you are to think that CLL was oversexualised. To be fair, while the trend is there, it’s less obvious than other trends. For example, it’s absolutely crystal clear that, the more you enjoyed the classic games, the less likely you are to think that CLL was oversexualised.

A very similar correlation links your opinion on the oversexualisation of CLL to your enjoyment of the LAU trilogy.

By the way, I’m rather amazed at how people who didn’t play a specific series all tended to say yes, no, or don’t know in similar percentages—though all biased towards the yes. However, enjoyment of other Tomb Raider games didn’t seem to be such a strong bias.

To look at things from a slightly different perspective, this is how much players who said CLL was oversexualised enjoyed different Tomb Raider series.

Basically, of the 80 people who said CLL was oversexualised, more than 50% liked Survivor games a lot, and none disliked them. Then again, none disliked much any Tomb Raider series, and after all, among the CLL-osx-positive people (that is, those who said CLL was oversexualised), many enjoyed the classics and LAU as well. Be as it may, it is true that, according to this (small) sample, if you think CLL was oversexualised, you’re more likely to have enjoyed Survivor games more than you enjoyed others.

How was CLL oversexualised?

Respondents who said CLL was oversexualised were asked in what way they thought this was done. If you said she wasn’t oversexualised, you never saw that question. It was a multiple choice question, whose options were:

  • Her face was too sensual
  • Her breasts were unrealistically large
  • Her waist was unrealistically thin
  • Her hips were unrealistically wide
  • Her behaviour was too suggestive
  • Her clothes were too revealing
  • Promotional artwork for the games was sometimes inappropriate\suggestive
  • Her appearances in unrelated commercials were inappropriate\suggestive
  • Other

It probably wasn’t a good idea to ask the question this way. For example, a lot of people might easily think that Lara’s breasts were unrealistically large without necessarily thinking that this constituted oversexualisation. I realised this only too late into the game, but anyway, here’s the results, which I also showed in the video.

Honestly, I wish the waist option had had the most votes. After all the measurements I have done, I’m very much convinced that Lara’s boobs were fine. Big? Sure, no doubt about that. Too big, or impossible? Nope. The waist, however, was well beyond the threshold of anorexia for an adult woman. Her hips were as common as they come, and frankly, I’d really like to know in what way her behaviour was ever too suggestive. (I mean in the games; commercials are another story, which is why it’s a separate option.)

The distribution of the answers doesn’t change very much if you categorise them by sex, though some things do stick out.

Pretty much the same percentage of males and females agree that the boobs were too big. Females, however, were quite a bit less likely to say the waist was too thin (seriously, ladies?) or that the hips were too wide, and were more likely to pick all other options.  Like I said before, on the assumption that CLL was especially polarising for straight folks, I wanted to know how the answer distribution changed if you categorised them by orientation. The radar chart below shows what options straight females, straight males, and everyone else were more likely to pick.

I think it’s pretty obvious that straight people focussed on Lara’s physical features way more than all the others. Likewise, straight people focussed a lot less on non-physical features than all the others. Straight females in particular were a bit more likely than straight men to have an issue with Lara’s breasts, and a lot less likely than straight males to have an issue with her waist. In fact, they were the least likely. (Again: seriously, ladies?) More straight males pinned down the waist problem than anyone else—though it may well be that if you look into the “Others” group more in detail, someone did better than that. I don’t have the strength to make more charts, sorry.

More interesting patterns emerge if you look at the distribution of answers by which Laras were the respondents’ favourite, or which ones they were attracted to.

Those who prefer Survivor Lara were the most likely to blame the boobs, but thankfully also the waist. At the same time, they were also less likely to focus on non-physical features, unlike those whose sympathies lie with CLL or those who have no preference. It’s interesting how “neutral” parts—that is, non-straight people or people with no preference for a specific Lara—tend to focus on her physicality much less. This pattern doesn’t seem to be as pronounced when you look at the answer distribution categorised by which Lara respondents were attracted to.

With few exceptions, the points tend to be a lot more concentrated, and for once, even those with no preference focussed somewhat more on the physical features. (Then again, their sample size is only 5.) This might be because these people include those who found more than one version of Lara attractive. However, if we focus exclusively on people who found either Survivor Lara or CLL attractive, it’s not like there was a lot of bias, in my opinion.

Agreement on the boobs is the same, while people attracted only to CLL were much more likely than Survivor-only people to blame the waist, the artwork, or commercials. Maybe because they’re more knowledgeable about CLL than the other group of people, who maybe don’t even know about the artwork or the commercials that much? However, the people with the hots for Survivor Lara only were the only ones to say that CLL was also oversexualised in some “other” way. If you too think this is true, feel free to share in the comments below, I’m curious.

The next eight charts are about the correlation between how much players enjoyed different Tomb Raider series and which features of CLL they thought were oversexualised. They’re meant to show if your game preferences can make you biased against (or in favour of) CLL. Since the features that could be oversexualised are so many, I’ve split them into two groups; the first four charts are about CLL’s body features only, and the last four about all the others.

These charts divide the 80 people who said CLL was oversexualised into six groups of enjoyment levels (from those who didn’t play the games to those who enjoyed them a lot), and then tell what percentage of each group thought a specific feature was oversexualised. So, for example, just above 60% of those who didn’t play the classic games thought that CLL’s waist was unrealistically thin. Again, percentages don’t have to add up to 100% because you could vote for multiple features. Keep in mind that different enjoyment groups have different sizes, so the results aren’t necessarily all equally significant. The sizes are indicated in the subtitle of each chart.

Very few people thought CLL’s face was too sensual—too few to say anything about it. It applies to all charts, so I won’t be discussing that at all. The kind of bias I was expecting was that each feature would get more votes from people that didn’t enjoy the classics very much, and vice-versa. That seems to be true enough for the boobs, whereas the likelihood of thinking that her waist was unrealistically thin is very much constant. The likelihood of thinking that her hips were unrealistically wide seems to go up with enjoyment, which sort of flies in the face of my bias hypothesis.

The numbers of votes that every feature gets seems to drop dramatically with LAU enjoyment:

If you liked LAU “somewhat” or more, it seems you’re going to be a lot more lenient on CLL’s body features, but the catch is that the “not at all” and “a little” groups are very small compared to all the others, so I don’t feel like I can draw any conclusion with a lot of confidence.

Similarly, while there does seem to be a slight increase in the likelihood of voting for CLL’s body features as your enjoyment of Survivor games goes up, I don’t think it’s pronounced enough to say that enjoying Survivor games makes you biased in this sense. Interestingly, it seems that the more you like other Tomb Raider games, the less likely you are to think CLL’s hips were too wide, but you’re also more likely to think her waist was too thin.

At this point I should note that I’m doing this mostly for fun and curiosity, and not to stir controversy within the Tomb Raider community. Even if the data was sufficiently high-quality to draw definitive conclusions about who’s biased in what way (which it isn’t), I don’t think it’d be worth starting a fandom war over it. So please don’t, okay? Let’s move on to the other features.

I don’t think that the “behaviour” and “other” options have been voted for enough to even muse about them, so let’s forget about them. 

At a glance, the more you enjoyed the classics, the less likely you are to think that CLL’s clothes were too skimpy. Contrariwise, you’re more likely to blame inappropriate artwork and commercials. The same seems to be true for LAU, Survivor, and other games enjoyment; the only exception is that, the more you liked Survivor games, the more likely you seem to think that CLL’s clothes were too skimpy.

Perception of CLL’s official measurements

Everyone who took my survey was asked how well they thought that CLL’s measurements matched the official measurements (OMs for short) she’s supposed to have, that is 34D-24-35, or 97-61-89 in centimetres. That’s especially tricky for the bra, as you’ll know if you have watched my video.

First of all, let’s see how realistic people thought CLL’s official measurements were.

As a side note, very few people complained that they had no idea what the measurement numbers even meant and that I should have had an “I don’t know” option. True, but I was afraid that I’d wind up with a lot of “I don’t know”s, especially from the gents, and that would have made the question useless. I hope those amongst you who didn’t know googled it, but judging from the pie chart above, the respondents very much knew what they were talking about.

CLL’s official measurements are perfectly fine. Her body shape is known as an hourglass figure, which is very much supermodel-like, but realistic in that there are people who have it and didn’t have to undergo surgery or anything crazy like that to get there. Still, CLL’s measurements are rare, especially together: it’s of course a lot easier to find women who match only one or two of those measurements rather than all three. According to this old study I dug out, out of a sample of 6300 USA women, only 12.5% tops had an hourglass figure, and the percentage can be lower depending on the age cohort.  Frankly, I expect that the people who answered “average” are those who had no clue what the numbers meant and picked what seemed to be the safest option, while the “very common” people were just trolling.

Anyway, how much did the sex of the respondents influence their answer? Not very.

The vast majority of the ladies agree that CLL’s OMs are realistic but rare; 19.3% think they’re out of this world; 3.2% played it safe or were supermodels who only know other supermodels, and 1.6% were pulling my leg.

In contrast, 76.8% of the gents—a mere percent point more than the gals—thought CLL’s OMs are realistic but rare; only 15.2% thought they’re unrealistic (compare that to the ladies’ 19.3%); 5.8% were daydreaming, and 2.2% had smoked something bad.

Jokes apart, it’s interesting how virtually the same percentage of males and females gave the reasonable answer. Females who didn’t were more likely than the males to think the official measurements are unrealistic, and less likely than the males to think they are average or common. Think of it what you will, I don’t want to say anything that could be used against me by either sex. (Also, I’m not blaming anyone for not giving the “right” answer; you don’t have to know.)

The next interesting question is whether people who thought CLL was oversexualised had a different perception of the OMs than the rest.

The short answer is “not really”. Regardless of what they thought about the oversexualisation of CLL, the vast majority of the respondents thought the official measurements are realistic but rare. The unsure people were somewhat more likely to think the OMs were unrealistic, and together with the “not oversexualised” gang, they were the only ones to think that the OMs could be very common. It’s interesting how the “oversexualised” people are the most balanced: they’re the least likely to think the OMs are unrealistic (although not by much), and also the least likely to think they’re average or very common.

You have already seen the chart below in my video, but here’s how people thought CLL’s average measurements compared to the OMs.

In general, for all three measurements, a majority thought the OMs matched with CLL’s average measurements, which was true only in the case of the hips. For some reason, the overwhelming majority of respondents didn’t fail to notice this: nearly 65% of the respondents said CLL’s hips were the same as stated in the OMs.

Thank god, no one said CLL’s waist was much bigger than the OMs, but still, far too many people thought it was the same or bigger, and only very few realised just how ridiculously tiny it actually was. I guess “smaller” and “much smaller” are rather subjective terms, but anyway I’m firmly in the “much smaller” camp. Let me remind you that, according to my measurements, CLL’s waist was on average twelve centimetres (almost 8 inches) smaller than the OMs. It was only about 80% percent of what it should have been, that is some 20% smaller.

A lot fewer people thought the boobs were on target—which they weren’t—and a lot more thought they were bigger or much bigger, which they weren’t either. According to my measurements, they were smaller, but not much.

Measuring the size of waists and hips can be reduced down to basically a one-dimensional problem, but that’s harder to do with breasts or bras, which is why in reality I “blame” respondents much less than I did in the video (where I was joking, by the way). In some games, Lara’s boobs do look huge, for example in Tomb Raider 4 and 5. They were bigger than they were in Tomb Raider 2, but nowhere near as much as they looked because of the shading and visible cleavage. Also, the stupidly tiny waist (and shoulders, in the case of Tomb Raider 4-5) really doesn’t help getting a good sense of the breasts’ actual size. In fact, virtually all sources I found complain about the boobs being impossibly huge, but few even say anything about the waist, and those who do fail to realise that it’s mainly because of that that the boobs look so big. (Only one source realised this.) Let me put it this way: Lara’s breasts were too big compared to her waist, but not in general. Instead, her waist was just too tiny for an adult woman, period.

That said, did the sex of the respondents influence how well they thought CLL’s measurements matched the OMs? Oh, yes. This is what female respondents thought of Lara’s boobs.

This is what the males thought.

Females were consistently more likely than males to overestimate CLL’s breast size compared to the OMs; males were more likely to say they were the same or smaller. Keeping in mind the discussion we’ve just had and the fact that females and males of all sexual orientations are included in the charts, think of it what you will. I’m not gonna touch that with a ten-foot bra.

Interestingly, and perhaps unsurprisingly, the size of CLL’s waist was a lot less polarising than the boobs. You can hardly tell the difference between the female chart,

and the male chart.

Sex seems correlate with what the respondents thought of the hips, but in a confusing way. Way more males than females thought that CLL’s hips were the same as the OMs, and females were more likely to say that they were (much) bigger instead, but they were also more likely to say they were smaller… 

Finally, I was curious to see how the perception of the OMs influenced the perception of how well CLL’s measurements matched the OMs, if at all. Basically, I wanted to see if there were people who thought stupid things like “Lara’s boobs were unrealistically big, and they were smaller than the official size, which is very common.” Believe it or not, there were people like that. Wat.

In this case, the samples are people who said that a certain body measurement of CLL was too big or small. No one them said that the OMs are very common, so that column is always empty. (In one case, the “average” column is empty too.) I’m not going to go into the details of each chart, because this is already far too long, but by inspecting these charts you can get an idea of how realistic/unrealistic people thought that CLL’s measurements or the OMs were. For example, in the chart below, everyone thought CLL’s breasts were unrealistically big. Of these, 11 people said the OMs were unrealistic. Of these 11 people, about 18% thought CLL’s breasts were much bigger than the OMs, which suggests they think her boobs were very unrealistic.

Note how, of the 45 people who said the OMs are realistic but rare, 28.9% said CLL’s boobs were the same size as the OMs. This doesn’t make a lot of sense when you think that all these people also said that CLL’s boobs were unrealistically big. Below are the charts for waist and hips, and you can draw your own conclusions. (If you’re even still reading, that is.)

Was Survivor Lara oversexualised?

This is mostly for shit and giggles. My deliberately very caustic and sarcastic impression is that there isn’t anything to be sexualised—let alone oversexualised—to begin with; but even if there was, the little I’ve seen of the Survivor trilogy doesn’t seem oversexualised at all to me. Yet, some people disagree. Not many, though.

That’s 13 people. To be more precise,

In percentage, more females than males said “yes”; more females than males were unsure, and fewer females than males said “no”.

This is how, according to these 13 people, Survivor Lara was oversexualised.

Now, in the spirit of scientific enquiry, I took Survivor Lara’s measurements as well, specifically from her ROTTR model. There are no official measurements to compare to, but according to my research, she’s supposed to be 168 cm (5ft 6) tall. The measurements I got for her are 30DD-26-37 (or 32C-26-37, with the +4 rule.) Her over bust is around 34 inches (87 cm) and her under bust is around 29 inches (74 cm). The volume of both her cups should be 960cc, which is the same as Classic Lara’s cup volume from Tomb Raider 2 to Angel of Darkness. Her waist is 2 inches larger than CLL’s OMs and so are her hips. In centimetres, her waist is 67 and her hips are 95. She too has an hourglass-ish figure, but frankly, I don’t think there was anything wrong or oversexualised with her measurements.

As for her face being too sensual, well, let’s just say different people have different definitions of sensual and let’s leave it at that, eh? I didn’t even get halfway through Tomb Raider 2013 before deciding it really wasn’t for me, but I didn’t see any suggestive behaviour or revealing clothes. I wouldn’t know about inappropriate artwork or commercials, so if you do, please do share, I’m curious. Also, what the heck is that “other” that 9 people voted for?

If I had to guess, I’d say it’s the rape/non-rape controversy. There was a scene early on during Tomb Raider 2013 where apparently it was kind of unclear whether a guy was or wasn’t trying to rape Lara. I read that a lot of people were pissed about that. Given the circumstances of that game, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if there was a guy who was trying to rape her. That’s not oversexualisation, that’s crude realism, which Tomb Raider 2013 was obviously trying to go for. (Well, except for the ghosty-monstery bits.) Had the game shown a full-blown rape, that would be one thing, but it didn’t. I really don’t understand why people lose their shit over a scene that suggests that a guy on an island full of literal murderers (Lara included, by the way) might be also a rapist, especially when other things—such as Lara being impaled through her goddamn throat and dying horribly—are not simply subtly implied; they’re very much graphical and in-your-face. Sense of proportions, people: which is a worse sight? A person successfully escaping an implied rape attempt, or the same person getting a pointy wood pole through her neck and dying? I am not sure what to make of the fact that, on some level, people seem to find rape worse and/or less acceptable than brutal murder/death, but I am slightly concerned. They’re both horrible things, but if you had to pick one to happen to you, I doubt you’d go with murder or death.

Look at me, almost defending a game I hated the guts of. It’s true: anything can happen.

Anyway, if that’s not the “other” that the voters were talking about, please let me know in the comments below. The final chart shows how sex influenced the voting of supposedly oversexualised features of Survivor Lara.

There was one gal who obviously hated everything about her (hard not to sympathise), but anyway, it was mostly females who voted for unrealistic body features, whereas males constituted the majority of the “other” gang.

Wrapping up

This is probably the last Tomb Raider-related thing I’m going to write for a while. It’s been a long journey, and frankly, I’m happy to know that, from now on, I’ll only be spending time with Lara when I’m (re)playing a Tomb Raider game.

I hope you found the chronicles (pun intended) of my journey interesting, and I’d like to remind you once more that sample size matters. This sample was small, and its various subsamples were even smaller and often hard to compare to each other. Also, I didn’t really run any fancy analyses on the data—I simply put them together in a way that made sense, made sure that nothing obviously wrong was going on, and plotted a few charts.

See you around, and happy raiding—whatever raiding blend tickles your fancy.

Six months with Lara

Image credits: ELG21 from Pixabay and Core-design.com. Edited.

Here it is. After six full months of researching, measuring, checking, double-checking, polling, analysing, writing, rewriting, etc, the video about Lara Croft which I promised/hinted at several times on this blog and my social media is finally here. I can’t believe I’ve actually managed to get it done. 

I was a bit vague about the exact topic of the video, and I want to keep it that way so as not to spoil anything for you. I hope you’ll enjoy it.

Well, that was it. All that work for 25-ish minutes of entertainment?! What can I say? Welcome to YouTubing. Hopefully it was to your liking.

The twelve pages below are all that didn’t make it into the video: clarifications, tangents, rants, trivia, and of course, a full list of my sources and due credits. Some things could have been saved for a separate article, but the truth is—as much as I like Lara, I’ve spent enough time in her company this year (and I’m still only about halfway through replaying the classics), so I wanted to get it all out at once. The only other Tomb Raider-related post that I will publish soon will be a detailed account of the results of the poll I mentioned in the video.

Things about Lara’s measurements

Some things that came out of all the measuring and tinkering were only partially relevant, or risked making a video that was already too long even longer, so here they are instead.

Lara’s BMI

The body-mass-index, or BMI, is a rule of thumb used to categorise people as underweight, normal weight, overweight, or obese. It’s calculated simply as your weight divided by the square of your height; given that both Lara’s weight and height are included in her official measurements, I calculated that too, for fun. It’s 19.2, which according to this calculator is perfectly fine: Lara’s weight is normal, despite the tiny waist.

Lara’s waist-to-hip ratio

The waist-to-hip ratio (WHR) is used as a measure of health, fertility, and risk to develop certain health conditions, like obesity or diabetes. There’s a WHO report about that you can check out, if you like, but for our purposes, the takeaway is that a WHR of 0.85 or above means you’re at risk. This, however, is none of Lara’s concern.

Whether by the official measurements, her measurements in the games, or on average, she’s well below the risk threshold. I guess that, just like your WHR can be too high, it can probably be too low as well; however, if there’s any such lower risk threshold, I couldn’t find it. (Still, that waist of hers is really too tiny.)

Lara vs UK averages

The data used to plot the over bust, waist, and hip averages of UK women throughout the last century were compiled from different sources that had collected data from different time periods. (That explains the weird bump that appears in all the charts, but I decided to keep that particular source anyway. I didn’t have many to begin with, so I kept everything I had.) These sources were the SizeUK survey, the Mark & Spencer survey mentioned in this paper, and data from YouGov (2013), The Sun (2017), and Fashion United (2020). The latter three sources didn’t provide body measurements directly; rather, they reported that, in the given years, the dress size of UK women was on average 16. I then used this website to convert that dress size into over bust, waist, and hip sizes.

To be perfectly transparent with my readers/viewers, these sources don’t seem to distinguish between over bust and under bust. Their data simply says “bust”. I think it’s reasonable to assume that they mean over bust because that’s the fullest point, and every source I could find on the Internet about how to measure your “bust” seems to agree that you do that at the fullest point. In most (if not all) cases, I couldn’t really get in touch with whomever produced the data, so I decided to go with the assumption that they were talking about the over bust. The potential for error bugs me, but seriously—with all due respect, I was measuring Lara Croft’s boobs, not doing open-heart surgery on babies. There’s such a thing as good enough.

That said, in the video, I showed the three charts in the slideshow below.

Note that Lara’s values for all three don’t grow chronologically; they’re scrambled over the timeline, even though in all three cases they happen to follow parts of the overall trend fairly decently. So, the charts don’t show how Lara’s bust, waist, or hips changed over time; rather, they tell at which point in time the over bust, waist, or hips Lara had in a particular game were (more or less) the same as those of the average UK woman. (It’s interesting to note that, according to these data, Lara’s official over bust is fairly smaller than current UK over bust averages.) The carousel below shows three more charts that I didn’t show in the video; they plot Lara’s averages against the same historical data. (The historical waist chart only shows Lara’s No-FMV average because it was the highest. The others are a just a bit smaller.)

What’s with those shoulders?

There’s something really funny with Lara’s shoulders in The Last Revelation and Chronicles; specifically, her in-game model’s shoulders. They’re stupidly narrow, especially compared to her shoulders in Tomb Raider 2 and 3.

The TR2-3 model is on the left, while the TR4-5 model is on the right. Tell me that’s not too narrow…

It almost looks as though she’s pushing her shoulder blades very close together, which in turn I guess makes her boobs stick out more than they did in The Dagger of Xian or Adventures of Lara Croft. Granted, they are a bit bigger, and the additional shading and the extra cleavage contribute too, but I tried to make her shoulders closer to their TR2-3 counterparts in XNALara, and in my opinion, it makes her breasts stick out less.

Isn’t that a bit better?

I’m not sure if this was intended or an accident, but those narrow shoulders look awful. On a fairly boxy 3D model like that, it might not be immediately obvious just how weird they are, so here’s what they’d look like on Underworld Lara.

It was just a matter of time before she’d get caught in one of those deadly crushing traps.

Other fun facts I found out while making the video

Here’s a few other interesting things I found out during the months it took me to produce this video.

Fantastic breasts and where to find them

One of the most cited “reasons” behind the size of Lara’s breasts is an alleged “slip of the mouse” that accidentally increased their size by 150% instead of 50%. This claim has been repeated over and over again by people, media, websites, etc. I remember reading about it in an Italian magazine in the late 1990s, and I saw someone repeating it on Reddit no longer than a few months ago. You’d think it was true, because Toby Gard himself said in a 1997 interview with The Face that his mouse slipped and caused the increase. The interview is not available on The Face’s website (after all, it’s from a time when online magazines weren’t exactly the norm), but was transcribed on The Croft Times (as well as on Virtual Lara) and is also available in all of its scanned glory on Tomb of Ash.

However, says The Gamer, the slip of the mouse never happened. According to this article, dated February 22, 2021, they reached out to Gard and asked him about it. What he said was that “it was a joke,” and that all his answers in that interview were “entirely flippant.” The reason for the joke was that, apparently, Toby thought the question was inappropriate and undeserving of a proper answer. I must say the interview on The Face does come across that way, especially the exchange about the breasts:

TF: So what’s with the unfeasibly large knockers then?
TG: Slip of the mouse. I wanted to expand them fifty percent and then – whoops, one-hundred and fifty percent. Darn.

As a side note, in that interview Toby hinted at the devious scheme of the marketing dept to exploit Lara’s sex appeal.

TF: Did they [the breasts] get bigger when marketing became involved?
TG: Not really; they were just focused on more. The marketing men just saw them as the easy route to take with their campaign. I reckon they must have thought, “How are we going to market this? Hey, look at her enormous oojahs! I have a cunning plan.” Clever lads.

As a side note to the side note, the people at Core Design Tribute Fan Site put together a twitter interview with Paul Douglas, co-creator of the original Tomb Raider. According to that interview, Lara’s famously triangular breasts in that game were made so explicitly to keep down the polygon count. (Remember that, at the time, super-boxy 3D graphics were the state of the art.) In his words, “Toby traded less polygonal detail on her body for more on her head and face.” My two cents is that, had Gard intended to make Lara’s breasts large merely for the sake of pleasing the players, that trade would have gone the other way around.

You want explicit? I got explicit.

The video below is one of several SEAT commercials that Lara starred in some 20+ years ago. Watch it till the end, and then we can talk about whether Lara was oversexualised because of the size of her breasts or because of things like this. Sometimes, that which is implied is far worse than what is out there for everyone to see.

34D: The number of the Breast

I’m not sure anyone got the Iron Maiden joke (and you know what they say—if you have to explain it…), but anyway, during the months I spent researching Lara for my video, I’ve found a disturbingly high number of articles, books, authors, you name it, all going to great lengths to demonise her and her breasts. I gave some examples in the video, and you’ll find all the sources linked at the bottom of this article, but if I had to rebut all of them, I’d be here all day. There are a few things, however, that I really want to respond to as succinctly as I can. (Which is not very.)

To relate or not to relate

According to this Vox article, in the late 90s there was this idea that women wouldn’t relate to Lara unless they had a similar figure as hers. A recent comic makes a very similar point by saying that “seeing people who look like you and who you can identify with is really important”—which, in general, I don’t disagree with. However, the larger point that the comic is trying to make is that Survivor Lara is a more relatable character than Classic Lara because of her more common physique, and “her family relationships, and her conflicted feelings about violence.” A better role model that one (and women especially, I suppose) can more easily identify with.

My bias against Survivor Lara is no mystery, but I think the authors of that comic, and all those who apparently worried that classic Lara’s boobs would get in the way of her relatability, are missing a few important facts.

Relatability is primarily determined by a character’s personality, life events, and how they react to them. Looks play a minimal role, if any. If that wasn’t the case, no one would be able to relate to characters of the opposite sex, but instead, competent writers can make you relate even to machines, aliens, animals, you name it. As a broomstick-thin guy, I don’t have any boobs and I look nothing like Lara Croft. Yet, I felt very strongly for her when, at the end of Underworld, she was forced to kill what was left of her own mother, now turned into a thrall—the very same mother she’d been desperately looking for throughout the entirety of LAU. To mention another example, I liked April Ryan a lot, even though she couldn’t sport the same beard I do.

Not all characters are meant to be relatable. If they are, that’s an added bonus, but they don’t have to. Classic Lara was a ruthless adventurer who only played “for sport.” She had a sliver of backstory to explain who she was, but it wasn’t supposed to be a tearjerker or anything that would make you feel for her. The point of the original game was the adventure, the exploration, and the puzzles, in much the same way that the point of the original Super Mario was the platforming and not whatever daddy issues he might have.

No incarnation of Lara is a great role model. Let’s face it: Lara is a cold-blooded killer. (Yes, even Survivor Lara, who despite her “conflicted feelings about violence” has likely a higher number of notches on her gun than classic and LAU Lara put together, and is rather gruesomely creative about it too.) Anybody complaining that her body proportions are what makes her a bad role model for young women is nonchalantly sweeping this teeny tiny fact under the rug. If young women are smart enough to realise they don’t need to go on murdering sprees just because Lara does, surely they also realise they don’t have to have the same chest size either.

The writer of Tomb Raider (2013), Rhianna Pratchett, said she felt that, after the original Tomb Raider, Lara “had been reduced to a pair of boobs, a pair of pistols and a hair plait” and that the games gave the impression they weren’t meant for female players, despite their popularity with them too. According to Polygon, Crystal Dynamics brand manager Rich Briggs said that he was “was struck with how this rebooted version [Survivor Lara] was always written as a person, and never as a sex object,” which begs the question of when was Lara ever written as a sex object. What the marketing team did back in the day to sell the games is one thing, but that has nothing to do with how the character was written. In my books, having an hourglass figure or a thing for skimpy clothes doesn’t automatically make you a sex object; that requires a kind of behaviour that, for Lara, was simply never there in any of the games.

Things like these don’t help me shake off the impression that the reason the Survivor trilogy came to be in the first place might be primarily that someone with the power to make it happen had an issue with Lara’s looks, and wanted to fix that. Had Lara looked more conventional from the start, I think the Survivor timeline would never have existed—or would have been its own game series unrelated to Tomb Raider.

Comical comics

Going back for a second to The Nib’s comic that I mentioned before, several things in it are either factually wrong or beyond idiotic. For example, it claims that, at the time of the development of the original Tomb Raider, all six staffers of Core Design were men, which given the overall tone of the comic seems to subtly imply that that’s the reason why Lara came out the way she did. The authors might want to have their eyesight checked, though, because the person in the middle of the photo below, sitting right to the left of Toby Gard, is Heather Gibson, one of the major level designer of Tomb Raider and Tomb Raider II, who according to Eurogamer joined the team in the early stages of Tomb Raider’s development.

All six Core Design staffers were men—except for Gibson who was a woman, that is. (Credit: Seeraphina)

Now, according to my research, Heather Gibson is a woman, and apparently, so is Vicky Arnold, who according to Core Design developer Paul Douglas wasn’t a full-timer but was on the team and was crucial to the game’s development.

Original tweet here.

The comic authors also seem to have bought into one of the many versions of the slip-of-the-mouse myth, according to which Lara’s breast size increase was a joke that stuck—possibly because, as they stated, marketing “loved the new, absurdly giant breasts.” That is obviously bollocks, given that even in concept art, as seen in my video above, Lara had a rather prominent bust. By the way, congrats to the comic authors on insulting all women out there who may happen to wear a 28F/30DD. Ironically, while they demonise Lara’s breasts like tons of others, one of their very sources says it like it is: “While there was much discussion about her [Lara’s] bust size, it was actually her disproportionately tiny waist and neck that made her chest look so large by comparison.”

One of the panels accuses the developers of having designed Tomb Raider explicitly so that players could look at Lara’s butt all the time. Obviously, the concept of third-person shooter is completely alien to them. The camera in third-person shooters is designed so that your in-game avatar is always visible, and is placed in whichever way best suits the gameplay. The platforming and the combat in Tomb Raider simply require you to be able to see Lara’s full figure. I don’t even want to imagine how frustrating the platforming would be if you couldn’t see Lara’s feet and align them to the edge you were about to jump from, or how easy it would be to have Lara mauled by a bear attacking from the side if the camera was angled the way it generally is in the Batman Arkham series, for example. Assuming that these were all deliberate choices made for the purpose of having her butt be always front and centre reeks of paranoia, victim complex, and frankly, obsession with butts. Lara’s butt is often on screen (not in “every scene” as claimed—another hint that the authors never actually touched a Tomb Raider classic), but so is her back, neck, and all the rest. You can surely focus on it if you like, but I think you’d better pay attention to all the traps, puzzles, and enemies instead. (Yes, I know I made a couple of jokes in the video about the players focussing on Lara’s butt while playing, but guess what—they were indeed jokes.)

Too much of a good thing

The complaints of some (such as Clara Mae or Cal Jones) that Lara was just too good at everything she did are halfway between hilarious and infuriating. According to them, real women would need to worry not only about competing with her figure, but also with her skills. (In particular, according to Jones young boys are especially dumb in that regard and unreservedly assume that women look and behave exactly as whatever they see in videogames, regardless of what real-world examples might tell them. Thanks, Cal—noted.)

Lara Croft is a video game heroine, goddammit! Like Superman, Batman, and many others, she’s supposed to be a notch above the rest of us lesser mortals. That’s kinda the point of most video games: getting to be someone else for a while, and doing things that you couldn’t do in real life. I’ve yet to hear anyone complain that not only is Bruce Wayne fitter, better-looking, and richer than most men could ever hope to be, but also ridiculously skilled and smart. No shit, Sherlock! He’s literally bloody Batman. I have a hunch that, had Lara been no more skilled than the average woman, Mae and Jones would have complained that there was nothing special about her beyond her looks.

The difference between having and being

If I had to pick the most infuriatingly bad article about Lara amongst all those I read, it would definitely be Lara Croft, Female Enemy Number One? by Cal Jones. (You need to scroll nearly to the end of that link to find it.) There isn’t a single word in that thing that wasn’t written out of sheer spite, but the lowest point was indubitably this:

“More to the point, thin women do not have big jugs. Period. Breasts, as any woman knows, are composed mainly of fatty tissue, and one of the hazards of dieting is that your tits get smaller before your bum does. Any woman who is skinny and appears to have big hooters is either a) surgically enhanced, or b) wearing a Wonderbra with padding in it. End of story.”

Cal Jones, From Barbie to Mortal Combat

Put another way, what Jones is saying is: are you a woman with “big jugs”? Then you’re either a) fat, or b) a fraud. Maybe she thought she was being funny, or that she would be safe from criticism because the vagueness of her statement makes it impossible to refute: until “big” and “thin” are sufficiently well-defined, the goalposts can be moved as much as you like so that any possible counterexample can be summarily dismissed as not really thin or as not really having “big hooters”.

Honestly, I don’t think counterexamples are even needed; it’s absolutely obvious that thin yet busty women do exist. They may not be very common, but they’re not pink unicorns existing only in male fantasies. The chances are you’ve met at least one or two—maybe you are one yourself. Even if not, anyone with an Internet connection can hammer as many nails as they like into the coffin of Jones’ ridiculous theory, and I am sceptical that they all are without exception surgically enhanced, photoshopped, or wear a padded Wonderbra. Granted, back in the day when Jones wrote her article, there weren’t that many boobs on the Internet just yet; but just like today, there were plenty freely roaming the world that she could have paid attention to—some smaller, and some bigger. Some of the big ones were hanging from the chest of thin women; some others were hanging from the chest of not-so-thin women. Others still were busy writing about how thin women can’t possibly be busty.

I’ll take note of Jones’ opinion, and while I’m at it, next time I see any of the few skinny yet busty women I happen to know, I’ll make sure to tell them they’re fakes. Meanwhile, anyone who really needs proof that water is wet can have a look at some of the model profiles (underwear, so fairly NSFW) I browsed while researching this video, for example those of Izzy, Samantha, Ndey, LouiseKatie, or Clare-Louise—who I’m sure are all cheating in one way or the other.  If that still doesn’t convince you that busty and fat are not synonymous, a little more googling can help you with that. I’ve already gone as far as I was willing to.

The other side of the story

There’s an interesting point that Rhianna Pratchett made on Kill Screen.

“Lara Croft gets a lot more scrutiny than Nathan Drake does, as a female. Nobody talks about how well Nathan Drake is representing men, or male characters in games.”

Rhianna Pratchett, on Kill Screen

That’s right. Like I said above, nobody seems to care whether Batman is a good role model for men, or if it skews men’s perception of what a realistic man is like. Nobody seems to care whether male characters with ridiculously huge muscles and chest in games or movies constitute oversexualisation or some other form of misrepresentation. (Want examples? World of Warcraft, He-Man, Conan the barbarian, God of War, Streetfighter, Wolverine and a bunch of others got you covered.)

Andrew Wheeler on Comics Alliance maintains that this is not the same thing as hyper-curvy women. He implies that the reason why that kind of female characters appear in comics or games is that they’re meant to be sexually alluring for men; on the other hand, ultra-buff male heroes aren’t there to attract women readers, but apparently because they satisfy another male fantasy—a power fantasy, to be precise. (A hypothesis that Wheeler didn’t back up in any way.)

Maybe. That’s certainly not true for everyone (I, for one, couldn’t care less about looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger), and I would agree that jacked-up male heroes are probably not there to attract female readers or players, but that misses another point. The fact some men may get a kick out of living the adventures of impossibly muscular dudes doesn’t mean these are good, realistic representations of men in comics or games—which is half the reason why overly busty female characters are criticised for.

There are plenty of women who get a kick out of Lara’s adventures despite the size of her boobs, but this hasn’t prevented everyone else from crucifying Lara for being a “dangerous role model” or “female enemy number one.” (And that’s just because her boobs were too big; screw the murdering bit.) The exact same thing could be said of any male comic book hero with hyperinflated muscles; yet, nobody does.

Source: Natalie Kroft

Personally, that doesn’t disturb me. I think people spend far too much energy on these pointless diatribes. I just don’t understand the disparity: we need to worry about whether women are well represented in games and comics, but not about whether men are. Is it because men are well represented? Is it because, for some reason, it doesn’t matter if they are or not? Is it because women need special care?

My opinion is that, in general, comics and games aren’t meant to be realistic representations of anything. They’re literal fantasies, and of course their creators will craft them in whichever way they like them. As long as the characters are interesting, their adventures intriguing, and their looks aren’t the plot, I don’t mind if men are jacked up and women are busty (or if they aren’t). Lara is interesting, and the games she stars in are fun to play. (Barring the Survivor trilogy anyway…) She ticks all the important boxes, so if Toby wanted her to wear a 34D, that’s okay with me. (That waist, though…)

Sources of the video

Making this video required a ton of research. I started the research before I was sure I’d even make a video, so in some rare cases I neglected saving the source of a piece of information or other resources that I used; sorry about that. Below are all the sources I did save.

Lara’s official measurements

For this one, I consulted the Tomb Raider Wiki, WikiRaider, Lara Croft: The art of virtual seduction (page 81) and the Tomb Raider Chronicles Lara Croft Style Guide. I also checked out the Angel of Darkness style guide through this video, and even the back of this memory card. There are minor differences, but most sources agree that classic Lara (so, from TR1 to TRAOD) is 5ft 9 (175 cm), weighs 9st 4 (58.9 kg) and her body measurements are 34D-24-35 (97-61-89 cm). Note that, as far as I know, there are no official measurements for LAU Lara, but given her overall resemblance to classic Lara, I simply assumed they should be the same.

Measurements of models who matched Lara’s official measurements

This one was a bit of a pain point, because a) a woman’s measurements can and do change throughout life, so it’s hard to tell if the measurements are still the same, and b) especially in the case of celebrities, people’s body measurements are the stuff of gossip websites, which are hardly a source of reliable information, but they were the best I got.

The measurements of Angell Conwell, Lara’s exact match, are listed here; here are those of Salma Hayek and Deepika Singh. Other models who come close to Lara’s official measurements are Azusa Higa and Lana Eyre. Keep in mind that here we’re likely talking about +4 bra sizes.

Measurements of Lara’s impersonators

Here’s the list of all models I mentioned in the video who impersonated Lara during game presentations and events like that. In some cases, I found different sources that report slightly different (but still pretty much on-target) measurements.

Bra sizes

Oh, God. I still have nightmares about this. My first introduction to the topic of bra size was this guide by Eva’s intimate, and initially, I was using the same website to determine Lara’s UK bra size. When I discovered things like the war on the +4 rule (which was on twitter at some point) and after getting abundantly confused by a number of other websites, I decided to go with A Bra That Fits. The subreddit /r/ABraThatFits was also very useful, including but not exclusively because of the sister size chart. (By the way, thanks to the ABTF people who answered my questions!)

The Bratabase and What bras look like can maybe be useful to get an idea of what Lara’s size looks like on a real woman, but don’t be surprised if you find things don’t add up. You might look at a picture and go like “that’s too big” or “that’s too small”. I know I’ve done that. Like I said, bras of the same size can look very different when worn by different women. This also depends on the brand, the position that the woman wearing the bra is in, what else (if anything) the woman is wearing, etc. Also, the breasts of a 3D model are not real breasts and don’t behave in the same way.

That said, the table below shows the sizes I calculated for Lara’s bras (without and with the +4 rule), and the corresponding pages on the Bratabase. Keep in mind that in some cases, the Bratabase will show you pictures of bras that report a different size than what I say; that’s because they have been calculated with different standards, but are equivalent (according to the Bratabase folks, anyway.)

Version of LaraNo +4 (ABTF)+4 (Eva’s intimate)
Tomb Raider 1/Underworld28F30DD
Tomb Raider 2-326F28E
Tomb Raider 1-3 FMV26G28F
Tomb Raider 4-528E30D
Tomb Raider 4-5 FMV26GG28FF
Angel of Darkness24FF26F
Legend/Anniversary24G28E
Average Lara26FF28E
Official measurements30FF34D
Note: the band size difference between the two sizes isn’t necessarily always 4, because ABTF’s calculator doesn’t always estimate the band size to be the same as the under bust, depending on… reasons, I guess?

The other website, What Bras Look Like, has nearly no pictures of Lara’s bra sizes and a much smaller database in general, but I thought I’d link to it anyway.

Model websites I browsed

Like I said in the video, I found no models with Lara’s exact measurements. The measurements I calculated without the +4 rule are virtually unfindable. That’s probably because the +4 rule is likely still the de facto standard, so rather than for models wearing a 26F bra, for example, I should have looked for models wearing a 28E—which I did. However, since I couldn’t be 100% sure how the bra sizes of those models were calculated, there’s really no point in me linking to any specific model page here. Still, should you need to book a guy or a gal for a photoshoot, here are the websites I browsed:

Fashion Model Directory
MOT Models
Source Models
TRUE model
BASE Models
Sandra Reynolds
BMA models

3D models

I didn’t extract Lara’s 3D models from the games myself; I downloaded them from different websites. Throughout the making of this video, I was tormented by the possibility that these 3D models might not be straight out of the games, and so their measurements might not be the same as Lara’s actual in-game and FMV measurements. In some cases, the read-me files shipped with the models said how the models were extracted; in others, they didn’t, and I couldn’t reach out to the model creator to verify, but my understanding is that even modded models are generally not created from scratch—rather, their structure is ripped off the game as is, and the textures or other things are modified, so the size should be the same.

One important thing that I feel I should point out is that, seeing as how FMV models were used in pre-rendered movies, I am not sure they were even included in the games. If they weren’t, they couldn’t possibly have been ripped from them. Ultimately, I’m not sure if the FMV models I used were “official” or built from the ground up—another good reason to consider Lara’s measurements with and without FMVs, as I did in the video. Also, when I began making this video I assumed TRAOD had no FMVs, but I was wrong. (That’s because I still haven’t played it.) Anyway, I couldn’t find a separate model for the FMVs of that game, and it doesn’t look like it’s very different from the in-game model, if at all. (To be honest, I’m not even sure if the TRAOD model I got was in-game or FMV, at this point.)

Anyway, here’s the list of 3D models and their authors.

TR1: AtlantiB (I lost the link. Sorry.)
TR2-3: AtlantiB (I lost the link. Sorry.)
TR1-3FMV: Pedro Croft
TR4-5: AtlantiB (I lost the link. Sorry.)
TR4-5 FMV: feareffectinferno
TRAOD: Roxas Kennedy
TRL: I have no idea where I got it. If you’re the author and somehow recognise your work, I’ll be happy to credit you.
TRL evening dress: HenrysDLCs
Evening dress ripped: Lerova
TRA: Rocketeerl (also here)
TRU: Shyngyskhan
ROTTR: IsmaelUchihaSan

Other stuff

The Tomb Raider I’d like

(Image source: Core Design Tribute Fan Site.)

This year, the Tomb Raider franchise turned 25, and it’s only by chance that I even found out about that. I’ve been a fan ever since I was a teen, but before this year, I hadn’t touched anything Tomb Raider in quite a while. About two months ago, I reluctantly decided to try out Legend for the third time, and I fully expected to put it down without completing it for the third time.

Little did I know that I would get so hooked up that, in addition to finishing the whole LAU trilogy, trying out (and hating the guts of) Optional Tomb Raider, and beginning a playthrough of all the classic games, I’d start following several related twitter accounts, YouTube channels, the /r/tombraider subreddit, and even join a forum. (That’s how I found out about the 25th anniversary.)

Attitude, young lady!

The first time I tried Legend was in 2012, when I bought LAU. I think I quit after a couple of levels at most. The second time was about five years later, when I pushed all the way to the first Kazakhstan level and then quit, not particularly pleased with the experience. There were very minor things irking me, but the real reason I quit both times was just one: Lara was too nonchalant about murdering people.

In Anniversary (a prequel), Lara did show remorse and shame for taking a life, but then I guess it kind of grew on her? (Credit: David Angle.)

If you take a look at things like this or this, you’ll see that I’m not a great fan of death in general, let alone of murder. Yes, I know—it’s just a game, and telling that to myself enough times was how I managed to overcome my aversion and enjoy LAU. Besides, Lara never made a big deal out of killing people in the classic games either, and I played almost all of them, so why was this a problem now?

Well, in Legend, it was different.

I distinctly remember my first encounter with enemies in the very first level of Legend. They were both armed and didn’t exactly come across as very friendly people, but they were talking about their own business and hadn’t even seen me yet. At that point, Lara didn’t even know for a fact who they were. I knew that, had I tried to just sneak past them, they’d probably open fire, so I did what Lara does and killed them. While I did that, she and her friends back in London were amiably talking over the phone about Lara’s new quest and even cracking jokes. I found that off-putting enough that I quit playing.

She literally said she didn’t have the foggiest clue who he was before killing him. Also, that he was unremarkable. Well, that’s kinda rude… (Screenshot from SourceSpy91’s video.)

As said, when I gave the game a second chance, I quit early in Kazakhstan, but I think what really hit me as bad taste was something Lara said in the Japan levels. The local Japanese mafia boss she was facing was understandably complaining about her killing his henchmen, to which Lara replied: “I’ve simplified your payroll.”

The video starts just before the payroll quote. It’s a very witty punchline, but it sort of makes her come across as so self-important that she gets to decide who lives and who dies.

She’s a badass, I get it. I like her that way. However, there’s a difference between being a badass and trivialising murder, even that of criminals. I still love LAU and all the preceding titles (most definitely not the reboots, and not just because they take the concept of mass-murder to a whole new level), but I think I would like them and Lara more if she wasn’t so casual about killing people.

If I could do it…

Before anyone plays the sexism card: this doesn’t have anything to do with her being a woman. I don’t play FPSs or war games for the same reason (also I find them boring as hell), regardless of the genitals that their main characters were born with. I like Lara Croft as a character, and I think she could be a more positive character if she dropped the cavalier attitude in regards to gunning other living creatures down. Yes—when she kills animals, that too bugs me.

Toby Gard. I think he’s a very interesting chap. Sooner or later, I need to reach out to him… (Credit: Jon Jordan, CC Attribution 2.0 Generic.)

I’m not alone in this: Lara’s father himself, Toby Gard, said in a Gamasutra interview that he’s “not keen on just mindlessly killing humans in games.” That was one of the reasons why the first Tomb Raider had so few human enemies. (Their number went significantly up in subsequent installments, but Gard had already left the team shortly after Tomb Raider was released.)

Not that I count the survivor timeline as Tomb Raider, but even if I did, it certainly didn’t solve that problem. If anything, the survivor games exacerbated it, and the jarring dissonance between reboot Lara’s careless brutality in the gameplay and her relentless whimpering during the cutscenes made it even worse. Classic Lara may be too casual about murder, but at least she is consistent.

Currently, Square Enix and Crystal Dynamics seem to be a little too busy stuffing square pegs into round holes, so I don’t really hold my hopes up. However, on the off chance that any people from SE or CD looking for ideas might ever read this, here’s a couple about a nearly murder-free Tomb Raider game.

…I’d do it like this.

The first thing to keep in mind is that Tomb Raider was created with the exploration of ancient, lost tombs in mind, and typically, the people you might chance upon in such places are already dead. I also wouldn’t expect to find too many dangerous live animals in an ancient tomb where no one has set foot in ages—especially not in tiny, locked crypts with no food, water, or air. (Finding usable medikits or ammos for just the kind of guns you happen to have with you is also not very likely, but at least it’s not logically impossible. Maybe Lara is just lucky like that.)

The Obelisk of Khamoon level in Tomb Raider (1996). Those pumas (panthers? I don’t really know) just came out of a locked chamber with a floor area of maybe three or four square metres. I have so many questions my head is going to explode. (Screenshot from Kawaii Games’ video.)

Naturally, Lara Croft without her trademark dual pistols would be just as much of a heresy as Super Mario without his mustache would be (corollary: reboot Lara is not Lara), but no humans or animals to kill doesn’t mean nothing to kill.

This might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I’d be absolutely thrilled about a Tomb Raider game where I can lose myself in a mysterious, ancient temple or tomb to explore, knowing that supernatural creatures (like the thralls in Underworld, or the mummies in The Last Revelation) might be lurking behind every corner. Importantly, enemies like that are unrealistic enough that I would have no qualms about gunning them down, nor would I mind Lara’s witticisms about it (“This is a tomb: I’ll make them feel at home” just doesn’t sound that funny to me when it refers to people.)

Shoot them to your heart’s content, Lara. They’re unrealistic enough to be disposable. (Screenshot from Games 4k’s video.)

In contrast, human enemies that fire guns at you are trite and banal. If I wanted that, I’d play Call of Duty or some other FPS. They also don’t fit very well in the kind of game I’m describing, and detract from the very same feeling of isolation that contributed to making the first game so enjoyable.

However, ruthless human enemies who wouldn’t hesitate to fire on Lara may still make sense in a number of plots—for example, one where they’re trying to find a relic before she does. Even in those cases, there is a way for Lara to take the high ground while pursuing her objectives and keeping the game entertaining: Batman’s way.

She doesn’t need to go around wearing a cape or do the Christian Bale voice (entertaining as that would be), but instead of shooting human enemies dead, she could use the same stealth combat techniques of the Caped Crusader, for the very same reason: she doesn’t have it in her to take a life. Besides, personally I find that sneaking behind enemies to knock them out, performing silent takedowns, and engaging in some good ol’ melee fights, would make the games more stimulating. (Yes, I know the reboots did that. No, I still don’t like them, and they still don’t count as Tomb Raider in my books.)

Okay, maybe the costume, detective vision, and that kind of stuff aren’t very tomb-raidery, but I would love something along the lines of the Batman Arkham series’ predator encounters in a Tomb Raider game. (Screenshot from dalleval’s video.)

At the time of writing, I haven’t managed to play Angel of Darkness yet, but I understand that it featured stealth combat and that it sort of sucked. However, as far as I know the game was essentially a bunch of bugs strung together with a few lines of working code, and it’s hardly to be taken as proof that stealth combat can’t work in a Tomb Raider game.

Original concept art of Lara Croft. When she wasn’t yet an aristocrat, I take it. (Source: Core Design Tribute Fan Site.)

To be fair, a change like what I’m proposing might be a departure from how Toby Gard had envisioned Lara—she was supposed to be a dangerous, austere character of aristocratic descent, very attractive and yet unattainable and hard to approach. One of Gard’s sources of inspiration for Lara was Tank Girl (probably not for the aristocratic-austere thing), and I guess my idea would push Lara further away from her. At the same time, it could be a way to evolve her character into a more mature one who did away with murder for the sake of achieving her goals.

(Un)realism

As a side note, knocking people out for hours on end without causing them permanent injuries the way Batman does isn’t really a thing. If you beat someone unconscious, or do a blood choke on them, and they don’t wake up within seconds, they are brain-damaged at best and dead at worst. Nothing that a little suspension of disbelief can’t fix, though, and actually, making Lara drop her murdering habit might also add a little bit of realism in other ways.

I’m willing to believe that, if she had killed just one person in her entire life, she could be lucky enough not to get caught; but someone must well have stumbled upon at least some of the many bodies she’s left in her wake over the years, right? And none of those cases were ever traced back to her?

In Underworld, after her manor burned down, Lara said she would go search for Thor’s belt after dealing with the authorities about the arson. Yeah, right. I mean—hello, there are more notches on your gun than there are hairs on your head, and speaking of guns, you have an assault rifle on your back. I think the coppers might want to talk to you about more than just the fire.

After you deal with the authorities, Lara dear, I’m afraid you’ll spend the next twenty-five hundred years in prison. (Screenshot from Herbie Games’ video.)

And do we want to talk about Tomb Raider II? Just how did she get rid of the bodies of all the mobsters she killed in her own house without anyone ever noticing, for chrissake? And what about Angel of Darkness? In that game, she’s on the run, attempting to clear herself of being suspected of killing her former mentor. Given her impressive total body count and how she’s somehow always got away with it, I’m not sure why she should care if anyone mistakenly thinks she’s killed one more guy.

Why yes, I did see enough. Just pray the police won’t.

Dear Santa…

So, if I could ask Santa Croft for any present at all, what would I ask?

First and foremost, I would ask that Square Enix and Crystal Dynamics forget about unifying the timelines. Many fans like the survivor timeline, so by all means, continue it if you must, but keep it separate from the classic and LAU timelines. Make it a parallel universe or something, whatever you like, but please, consider picking up from Underworld and developing that timeline from there, without dragging all the survivor drama into it. You could make more fans happy that way, and you’d have more games to sell to fans who wouldn’t touch anything survivor with a ten-foot pole.

Huh? Oh, no. Back in the day, Core Design went a lot crazier than this when it came to promotional renders. (Source: Core Design Tribute Fan Site.)

Any new game in the style of LAU would be great, but if I could choose, I’d ask for a game heavily focused on tomb exploration with supernatural enemies, with only stealth combat available whenever Lara is dealing with human enemies. I’d ask for a game with today’s realistic graphics, but without any full-body plastic surgery done on Lara. She looked just fine in LAU. (In the classic games—eh, I’m not sure. I might or might not have something about that going on behind the scenes.) Oh, and yes, Santa—do check if Keeley Hawes is available to voice Lara once again. If I hear Camilla Luddington go “Aaa you thaaa?” once more, I swear I myself might become too casual about murder…

20 interesting facts about Peanuts

Image credit: Geordie, from Pixabay

I have been a fan of Peanuts for as long as I can remember. I don’t recall an exact moment when I became a fan or when I first encountered Charlie Brown and the rest of the gang, but I do know I was in love with them all already in elementary school. I would get a Peanuts-themed school diary each year, and I even had a couple of Peanuts dolls that came as free gifts with the laundry detergent my mother used to buy. (Charlie Brown, Peppermint Patty, and a few different Snoopy’s alter egos, if memory serves.)

I went on buying Peanuts-themed school diaries for as long as I was in school, and during my late teens, I began collecting all comic books of the series I could get my hands on. Peanuts was extremely popular even where I lived—Italy—but I never quite managed to find all the books. I’m not even entirely sure they were all translated and published, but I’d say I got most of them. Recently, I got the last three books of The Complete Peanuts in the original language, and now I can safely say I’ve read each and every of the nearly 18,000 Peanuts strips Charles Schulz drew during his life. That’s how I learned some interesting trivia about the series, which I thought to share here, for the benefit of whoever might be interested.

You’ll forgive the lack of pictures in this post, but you need permission to legally publish syndicated comics on your own website. I’m neither going to pay tons of money for it nor risk a cease-and-desist, so I’ll just link to them.

1. Charlie Brown is not bald.

With the exception of a lock of hair on the front and one on the back, Charlie Brown’s hair never really appeared in the strips, but it is there. Schulz himself confirmed this in a 1990 interview with NPR. According to Schulz, Charlie Brown’s hair is very fair and cut very short so that it’s practically invisible. To support this claim, Linus describes Charlie Brown as “sort of blond” in the Sunday table of July 9, 1989. That seems to contradict an earlier Sunday table where Charlie Brown said to Schroeder that “at least I don’t have yellow hair.” (July 17, 1955.)

2. “Charlie Brown” was one of Schulz’s fellow teachers.

The last volume of The Complete Peanuts (1999-2000) published by Canongate also features the Li’l Folks strips. Mostly single-panel, these strips were a precursor to Peanuts, and some of the themes and characters that would become recurring in Peanuts can be seen already in Li’l Folks. In a short introduction to Li’l Folks in the same volume, Gary Groth states that Charlie Brown was “the name of one of Schulz’s fellow teachers at Art Instruction”, where Schulz used to work in 1946. A character named Charlie Brown appears multiple times in Li’l Folks, though it looks nothing like the modern Charlie Brown.

3. Linus was named after Linus Maurer.

Linus Maurer was an American cartoonist friend of Schulz’s. According to Schulz himself, Maurer was the first person to see the first sketch of Linus Van Pelt, who was then named after Maurer. Unfortunately, Maurer passed away in 2016 at age 90.

4. Peanuts is (possibly) set in Pinecrest, California.

To my knowledge, the January 8, 1990 strip is the only one mentioning the probable place where the Peanuts gang lives. In that strip, Linus mentions that the school where he and Sally go is the Pinecrest Elementary School. According to my research, there are only two Pinecrests in the US: Pinecrest, Florida, and Pinecrest, California. I don’t know for sure which of the two it is (if any), but my guess would be Pinecrest, California because Schulz used to live in California. Also, Snoopy’s brother Spike lives in Needles, California.

5. Schulz was a friend of tennis star Billie Jean King.

Billie Jean King was among the many athletes referenced in Schulz’s work. They knew each other personally, and as King herself stated in her preface to the 1973-1974 Complete Peanuts, mentioning her in a strip was “his way of letting me know that we needed to talk or just catch up with one another.”

Speaking of mentions, athletes weren’t the only people, fictional or real, that Schulz named in his work. Something that caught me by surprise was that Harry Potter was mentioned in the November 8, 1999 strip. Sometimes I forget that Harry Potter is a rather old series by now, and that Peanuts ran until fairly recent times.

6. “Happy birthday, Amy!”

Several August 5 strips have the text “Happy birthday, Amy!” written somewhere on them. These birthday wishes were meant for Amy, indeed, one of Schulz’s daughters.

7. Coconut hatred.

Several characters in Peanuts, including Charlie Brown and Snoopy, hate coconut with a passion. The reason is that Schulz himself did. In a Facebook post, the Schulz Museum said that “Charles Schulz first ate coconut when he was a child, and he disliked the taste so much he was determined never to eat it again. When Charlie Brown came along he shared the cartoonist’s loathing for coconut, and he was very clear how he felt about it. Schulz himself once proudly stated ‘…I’ve taught all my children to hate it too’.” According to the New York Times,  Schulz “hated cats, coconut and sleeping away from home.” (I guess his hatred for cats was milder, in that only Snoopy out of the entire gang went on to inherit it.)

8. Poochie started it all.

The vast majority of the characters call Charlie Brown using his full name. The only exceptions are Peppermint Patty (“Chuck”), Marcie (“Charles”), Snoopy (“the round-headed kid”), and Peggie Jean (“Brownie Charles”, see below). This was the case from the very first time Charlie Brown appeared in Peanuts, but technically it wasn’t always the case. In a January 1973 strip, it is revealed that this trend was started by Poochie, a minor character who was mentioned in just a handful of strips and appeared only in one. Poochie was Charlie Brown’s neighbour, who moved away from the neighbourhood during Snoopy’s puppyhood, and it was she who started calling him using his full name.

9. Snoopy wasn’t always Charlie Brown’s dog.

At the beginning of the strip, it wasn’t exactly clear whose dog Snoopy was. Regardless, in a series of 1968 strips it is revealed that Snoopy used to be the dog of Lila, a minor character who appeared only in a few strips. Lila’s family could not keep Snoopy, who was returned to the puppy farm he was born in and later on bought by Charlie Brown’s parents.

10. Charlotte Braun and the axe.

Charlotte Braun is a very early minor character who appeared in ten strips between November 1954 and February 1955. She is a dominating personality who constantly shouts. It’s unclear why Schulz named her so obviously after Charlie Brown. What’s really interesting about her is that in 1955, a fan named Elizabeth Swaim wrote to Schulz and asked him to remove the character, for some reason. Schulz took her suggestion, possibly because he himself hadn’t seen a lot of potential in the character; he replied to Swaim as follows:

“Dear Miss Swaim, 

I am taking your suggestion regarding Charlotte Braun and will eventually discard her. If she appears anymore it will be in strips that were already completed before I got your letter or because someone writes in saying that they like her. Remember, however, that you and your friends will have the death of an innocent child on your conscience. Are you prepared to accept such responsibility? Thanks for writing, and I hope that future releases will please you. 

Sincerely, 

Charles M. Schulz.”

The reply included a drawing of Charlotte Braun with an axe in her head. That’s way grimmer than I would ever have expected.

11. Peggie Jean and Brownie Charles

Charlie Brown’s long-standing love interest was the fabled little red-haired girl, but she wasn’t the only one. Peggie Jean, a minor character from the 90s, was on Charlie Brown’s mind pretty much till the end of the strip, and she actually kissed him. (She will break up with him, eventually.) The first time they introduced themselves to each other, Charlie Brown was so nervous that he said his name was “Brownie Charles”—which Peggie Jean liked so much that she started using it as a nickname for him.

12. The mystery girl

On March 2, 1994, an unknown girl walks up to Snoopy’s doghouse to tell him to get up and chase rabbits. That’s something Frieda would usually do, but the girl looks nothing like her. According to Wikipedia, Schulz claimed that the girl was Patty, but she looks nothing like Patty either. Indeed, the claim on Wikipedia has no source, so whoever that girl was is still a mystery.

13. Adults in Peanuts

Adults almost never appear in Peanuts. They are mentioned, or their presence may be implied, but they are usually not seen. A few exceptions do exist: the first one was on May 16, 1954, when adult legs were shown during a golf tournament to which Lucy participated; indistinct adult figures are shown from a distance in the May 30, 1954 strip too. Another notable exception was the November 11, 1998 strip, where Willie and Joe, two characters by Schulz’s fellow cartoonist Bill Mauldin, appear alongside Snoopy to celebrate Veterans Day.

14. Snoopy didn’t invent the “It was a dark and stormy night” incipit.

It’s quite possible that you know this already and I’m just very ignorant, but even though Snoopy did contribute a lot to the popularisation of the incipit “It was a dark and stormy night”—a quintessentially banal opener—he didn’t invent it. It was the opening sentence of the 1830 novel Paul Clifford by English novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

15. Snoopy had siblings.

Snoopy wasn’t an “only dog”. (Which flies right in the face of what he himself said in the June 6, 1959 strip.) As stated in the strip from June 18, 1989, Snoopy was one of a litter of eight: Spike, Belle, Andy, Olaf, Marbles, Rover, Molly, and Snoopy himself. While Spike is arguably the most famous of Snoopy’s siblings, they all appear at some point in the strip, with the exception of Molly and Rover, who only appear in the TV special Snoopy’s reunion. A recurring theme of several strips of the last few years of the series was Andy and Olaf trying to reach Spike in Needles, but systematically getting lost somewhere.

16. Snoopy’s alter egos.

Probably, everybody knows about Snoopy’s most famous alter ego—the World War I pilot whose archnemesis was the Red Baron—but that was far from being the only one. The list is long, and includes everything from simple impressions (mostly other animals, which Snoopy envies for a reason or another) to actual personas that would recur throughout the series: surgeon, lawyer, grocery clerk, various coaches, and many, many more.

17. The Great Watermelon.

Yes. Yes, I know. It’s “pumpkin”, not watermelon. Except in Italy it was watermelon, because flimsy reasons. The translation stuck, and I grew up reading about the Great Watermelon instead of the Great Pumpkin. And no, Schulz’s pumpkins look nothing like watermelons.

18. The little red-haired girl was actually shown in the strip.

That’s right. Charlie Brown’s elusive love interest appeared in the strip. It happened only once, and it was just a silhouette, but it was her. It was on May 25, 1998.

19. The reason Spike lives in the desert is rather grim.

Snoopy’s brother Spike lives all alone in the desert, despite the fact it obviously makes him miserable, and no reason was given until September 18, 1994. The reason is, one day Spike was walking out with people, and they ordered him to chase a rabbit that darted in front of them. Spike didn’t really want to, but did it anyway. To escape Spike, the rabbit ran into the road and was hit by a car, for which Spike hated himself and the people who made him do it. He escaped to the desert so that he could not hurt anything else again. That’s right—guilt and perhaps a desire to punish himself are what led Spike to a life of isolation. Why Schulz gave him such a sad backstory is anyone’s guess—I am not aware of a specific reason anyway. (If you are, please let me know.)

20. A selection of last-times.

On October 16, 1999, Charlie Brown put away his baseball gear for the last time. The “next year” he refers to in the strip never came, as Schulz died around four months later. The last time baseball was mentioned in the strip was on December 27, 1999.

On October 24, 1999 the last football gag took place. Rerun took Lucy’s place, and neither we, nor she will ever know if Rerun pulled the football away. (That’s what makes Lucy go “Aaugh!”, and that, too, is the last time the cry appears in the strip.) According to Wikipedia (and the Peanuts Wikia as well), about the football gag, Schulz said that having Charlie Brown finally kick the football after so many years would be a disservice to the character; however, upon signing his final strip, Schulz realised that it was a “dirty trick” that the “poor kid” never got (and never would get) to kick the football. (I have no reason to doubt the authenticity of these quotes, but I could not find actual interviews or documents proving he actually said them.)

Schulz always did everything by himself, lettering included, but because of his declining health in late 1999, on December 30 and 31, 1999, and January 1, 2000, the lettering was either done by someone else or by computer.

The last daily strip was published on January 3, 2000. From that point until the day after Schulz’s death, on February 13, 2000, only Sunday tables were published. The final daily strip re-announces Schulz’s retirement (which had already been announced on December 14, 1999), and thanks the fans and editors of the strip.


It’s too bad that Schulz died. I would have loved to see how the Peanuts gang would have evolved in the age of the Internet, social media, and ubiquitous cell phones. Had he been still alive, he would have been 98 years old at the time this post was published.

Back in my day…

(Image credit: Christiaan Colen, licenced under CC BY-SA 2.0)

If you’ve browsed the Internet recently, you probably noticed how every-f#$@ing-one is dying to know whether you are going to accept their non-essential cookies or not. (I know, right? Weirdest sexual innuendo ever.) You’ll also have noticed how you’re asked to subscribe to something for every damn thing you need to do, and how receiving an email or a notification is no longer an exciting sign that somebody cares.

Okay, I admit it. I sound like a grumpy old man who’s making a big deal out of nothing. Still, while I thankfully am nowhere near being old yet, and while I prefer looking ahead over looking back, there are a few things that I like looking back to. One of them is the Internet of 20+ years ago.

If you weren’t born in the early 90s at the very latest, you probably have no idea what I’m talking about. You hardly remember a time when Facebook and social media weren’t a thing, or when “google” wasn’t a verb. You almost certainly never used Yahoo! Directory, and I would be surprised if you knew about Yahoo! at all. (I doubt I’d know about it if I hadn’t lived through the times when it was the go-to search engine, but maybe it’s more popular than I think and I’ve been living under a rock all these years.)

I got my first computer in early 1998, when connections were all dial-ups and the next level was ISDN. I wouldn’t hear about ADSL for another five years, I think. That was the time when Windows 95 was all the rage (for most home users anyway, I guess), the first edition of Windows 98 was just about to be inflicted on the world, and accelerated graphics cards like 3DFX were add-ins that worked alongside your regular 2D card.

This, younglings, was the Google of those days. (Found on the Wayback Machine, February 1998)

It was a shiny new world for me, and I was in my teens, so I guess it’s understandable if I look back on it so fondly. However, there was something about the Internet of those days that I miss.

Cosiness. The Internet of the late 90s was cosy. It felt small and quiet. Despite really annoying things like animated backgrounds, background music, and pop-ups, most websites felt calm and homely, like nice little living rooms where only you and the website owner were sitting, chatting amiably. No one trying to get you to like or subscribe, little-to-no ads (though, on the flipside, there was no AdBlock to block them, as far as I know), no trillion of cookie options to tick or GDPR notices to read. (Not that anybody ever does.)

An old 14.4 kbps dial-up modem. (Credit: Lawrence Sinclair, licenced under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

To be fair, finding what you were looking for, if it was there to be found in the first place, wasn’t so easy as it is now. Today, if what you need isn’t among the first few Google search results, it probably doesn’t exist; in the 90s, you’d comb through each and every last page of Yahoo! Search (or Directory), because the website you wanted might easily have been at the very bottom of the list. Don’t get me wrong: I appreciate not having to waste hours looking for things, but back then I had a lot more time to kill, and searching for something on the Internet was like a treasure hunt. I was into emulated games a lot, and finding a reliable ROM website after patiently looking for it the entire afternoon was an assured dopamine hit, just like finding a large MIDI collection, or simply the hobby website of someone who shared my same interests.

And, oh, those websites. Visiting your favourite ones over and over again, reading them from top to bottom, looking for updates, was kinda like going over to a friend’s place for tea and cookies. (Only the essential ones, though.) It was a way to get to know the people behind them without ever having met them. Instant messaging wasn’t really a thing (unless you count IRC) and your best shot at talking to them (especially if they lived abroad, which was often the case for people running the websites I visited) was sending them an email. You’d wait for a reply like you would for a Christmas present. (Yes, I’m exaggerating it again, but it was very pleasant nonetheless.) Anyone else remembers the excitement of the chime sound in Internet Mail when you got new messages?

Speaking of sounds, depending on how old you are, you might not know that back then your devices (which were just desktop or laptop computers at best) weren’t connected to the Internet all the time. Dial-up meant that you were making a phone call to connect, and the longer you were connected, the more you’d pay. That sucked big time, but if visiting your favourite website was like being at a friend’s place, switching on your modem and hearing the dial tone was like wearing your coat and going out to get there. I know a lot of people are very nostalgic about that sound.

Needless to say, at the time there was no YouTube, no Netflix, and no streaming. As far as I recall, AVI was one of the most popular video formats, it wasn’t very common to find videos to download, and when you did, your 33.6 kbps modem (or 56 kbps, if you had the latest gear) would take hours to download a 10MB video. So, yeah, watching movies online wasn’t really a thing. The anticipation of finally completing a large download was actually quite pleasant, though—less so when it failed at 99% after hours of waiting. (Yes. Yes, it did happen to me.)

I take it it must be still at it. (Source: Reddit)

In the early 2000s, say until 2005, things began to change. From my perspective, that was the rise of Flash and Java games, of ADSL, of VoIP, and the time when discussion forums were cool (they probably were earlier on too for many people, and for many still are). I am no Internet historian and I might be wrong, but I think that’s about when blogging was born. Before then, only true nerds had a hobby website: you either needed to know how to code, or be happy with whatever result you could produce with the horrible WYSIWYG editors of the time. (Also, no backend; you’d be lucky to have a visit counter and a guestbook.) I have good memories of that epoch too, the new hidden treasures of which were games like Submachine, Daymare Town, and too many others too remember (by the way, RIP Flash). That’s also when peer-to-peer grew in popularity, which combined with faster connections made it possible to download full movies—which could still take days, carried the risk of downloading a bunch of malware and viruses, and by the way was rather illegal.

Does anyone still remember computer viruses, by the way? It’s not like they’re gone, but they turned from trolls that messed with your screen and files to sneaky little bastards that try to keep as low a profile as possible—until they need to let you know that your files are encrypted and that you need to pay a ransom to get them back, anyway. Maybe I’m just out of the loop, but I don’t hear anymore about things like ILOVEYOU or Melissa.

The feeling of cosiness I was talking about and which used to apply to the whole Internet began to fade away when social media began; it didn’t just decrease in intensity, but also in scope. The number of websites that felt cosy plummeted as the Internet grew more “social”: comments, likes, shares, and so on. There were no nice little living rooms anymore, only big market squares where everybody was talking (and sometimes shouting) all the time. Catching other people’s attention became important, and that’s how having a personal website went from a hobby thing to a business where you need to know who your audience is, what the trendiest topics are, how to do SEO, and all sorts of marketing strategies. (Just so I don’t come across as a huge hypocrite, it’s not like I don’t care about growing an audience; I do, but words like “marketing” make me sick to my stomach. I’m one of those delusional romantics who believe that, as long as they focus on doing stuff they like, the right audience will come to them without having to resort to all tricks in the marketing bag.)

I was never big on social media. I joined Facebook only in 2011, Twitter only in 2020 (except for a brief fling in 2016 that ended up with me deleting my account), and there’s tons of others whose purpose I still don’t quite understand. Social media websites aren’t cosy pretty much by definition, but believe it or not, there was a time when Facebook felt small and welcoming. For a few years after I joined, it felt like a bit of a larger but still cosy living room with several friends instead of just one, except they were friends I knew in real life. Seeing the red notification icon was nice: some of my friends cared about something I said! Friend requests, whether I sent them or received them, were also very pleasant: they generally were from\to people whom I’d recently met in real life, and a friend request felt as though we were getting closer.

But then groups and pages became more and more popular, which eventually led to your feed being invaded by tons of people you didn’t even know existed. Ever received a notification about someone whose name you’ve never heard commenting on something you don’t care about in a group you forgot you’d joined? That’s what I’m talking about. Thankfully, I’m through with comment fights with strangers whose opinion I disagree with; I tend not to go much past “Happy birthday!” or “Nice cat!” But there still are people who think that, just because they happen to have a shared interest with you, it’s okay to send you a friend request even though you don’t have the foggiest clue who the heck they may be. Not cosy by a long shot.

These days, when I want to enjoy that cosiness again, I visit pages like this one. (Yes, for some reason that I myself don’t understand I’m a big Mega Man fan, and someday I should write about it.) It’s one of the few websites I know that somehow managed to survive this long without becoming a relic and without losing its original cosiness. In general, that cosiness may be lost forever, but like I said, I like to look ahead more than I like to look back: it’s possible that something new will come along, either on the Internet or some entirely new medium that we can’t even imagine yet, and with it, a new cosiness just waiting to be discovered and savoured. I look forward to that.